By Tin Maung Than
Some parents love to tell bad things about their children, while others wish to reveal only the good parts.
The first kind of mamas and papas will tell you how difficult for them to raise their children who are fond of rejecting their ideas and guidelines; who want to go their own way while ignoring all their advices ever, and never acknowledging the value of parental love but always believing that parents must look after them because it’s just their responsibility. And then they will tell you the sacrifices they are making on their part, and the ungratefulness of their children in responding to their deeds.
Truly, many children will be unsatisfied with the care and support provided by their parents, especially during their early teens, as their society and their experience are not matured enough to let them understand the parental love and care. Even in their early 20s it may still be difficult for some of them to appreciate this because it is very hard for them to imagine themselves in the place of their parents.
Only when they get married or have children of their own or are matured enough they will start understanding the parental love and the gratitude they own to their mom and dad.
And if you have no children parents in this category will say, “You are very lucky. There is no one to give you trouble. Your life is totally peaceful.”, which in reality can be the words of sympathy for you to be a barren.
As they always see their kids from the negative point of view, let me name them “pessimistic parents” but they in reality are not.
Now we go to another kind of parents who are always optimistic about their children. These parents will tell you how smart and clever their children are and the superiority of their kids over their peers in classroom, at play, in sports or in social dealings. They are always happy to see their children gaining the upper-hand. They indulge their kids to the utmost degree and are always ready to make concessions to their demands. They are afraid that punishments or strict rules may have adverse effects making their kids timid, indecisive and shy. As for their boys and girls, these parents have a heart of gold so tender that it’s enough to forgive them forever in any circumstances. So they would be included in the category of “optimistic moms and dads”.
But here too, children are sometimes not satisfied with their parents. The kids on their part may have many many more wants than the parents can fulfill.
Apart from these two categories there is another type of parents. They are the parents who rarely or never tell others whether their children are good or bad. This kind of parents can be found most in modest and conservative families. They, as a rule, control, teach and guide their children in an unassuming manner. We have neighbors whose eldest daughter is a house surgeon and the other two younger daughters are studying at the medical university. They all passed their matriculation examinations with six distinctions. But the parents have never grumbled about the hardships they had to overcome in raising their kid to reach that level or said anything good about their kids. So, I would like to name them “silent parents”.
As the family is so compact, we have no idea whether the kids may have any complaints about their parents.
But we all know that no one is perfect. The imperfectness could on the part of both the parents and their children. So it is normal that parent-children relations in every family will have some obstacles or problems.
But what the children should understand is that whether their parents are optimistic parents, pessimistic parents or silent parents their parents love them as other parents do. Whichever category they are in parents’ love for their children is ever immeasurable and unrivaled.
Oscar Wilde once said, “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” Yes children have the right to judge their parents, but they should never forget the value of parental love their moms and dads have for them throughout their whole life!
By Tin Maung Than